End of an era

I said goodbye to a friend of 8+ years a few days ago. I probably should have written about this before now, but to be honest, I haven't truly been affected by this yet. Not really sure what's taking so long. The fact this person is no longer in my life should matter to me. The reason behind the circumstances matters more to me than the actual absence. I'm a private person. Very much so, in fact. I may seem personable and able to carry on conversations with complete strangers, share stories in a social setting and generally appear to fit it - it's all a facade. Skills I have developed to keep all my secrets, secret. But not everyone gets this. Even friends of 8+ years. Bottom line, I don't want anyone to have any information about me that I did not specifically give them. I don't care if you have a girlfriend and you feel like she is the exception to every rule. I don't care if the only other life form in your miserable existence is a puppy, who as far as you know, can't talk - don't tell it anything about my personal life...

Like facebook, for example - I don't post anything on there that I don't want people to see... and from now on, that is how I will approach life and people and so-called friends. I almost wonder if there is anyone I can actually trust. Trust comes hard for me anyway... why must some people be retarded and decide to wipe their ass with that trust and throw it away? So ultimately, I think I'm more pissed at myself for having human feelings and emotions and allowing myself to be one of them for a time - it came back to bite me, and proved that I am not to meant to walk among them and be as they are. I am not the same as them, no matter how hard I try, and that keeps being proven to me over and over again. I don't feel as they do, I do not see as they do, believe as they do, and ultimately none of it matters.