Love is a drug dealer

"...unrequited love really is as horrible as it is always made out to be in books and movies. To feel so much for someone... but always at a distance, knowing they will never fully understand or possibly care how you really felt..."

See, i am more comfortable with that Pain and Misery you just described. They're convenient. They're  unrelenting. They are a good, reliable companion. They are symbiotic. They need you as much as you need companionship. Your love is unrequited. Pain and Misery feed on those emotions and dispose of them for you. Pain and Misery are much more familiar to me than love. Love is flighty, unreliable. Love will walk with you to the breathtaking view of the mountain overlook, and push you off. Love doesn't need anyone, shares no symbiosis with anyone. Serves no one but itself. It is a wolf in sheep's clothing and that clothing is laced with a sweet smelling, highly addictive pheromone that causes you to lose the ability to make sound decisions. 

Wax on, Wane off...

Why is it so wrong to desperately want to be with someone for a while, like maybe over the course of a few weeks, then desperately want to be alone for as long? Possibly longer. Do you realize how difficult it is to find someone - A)that I actually enjoy being around and am romantically attracted to and B)who understands my twisted sense of reality? I don't enjoy spending all my time alone, but when faced with the choice of that or finding someone, and being unhappy during those times when I do want to be alone, I choose the former over the latter. I just wish there was someone out there who understood what it's like to not want to be around people all the time. Even one people. I don't see why that's such a politically incorrect, taboo way to be. It's not that I am antisocial. It's just that being around a large group of people for long periods, or even one person on a daily basis, drains my energy. It makes me uncomfortable and irritable. Unfortunately, it's easier to deal with being alone than it is to deal with the drain of being around people.