Ohai, welcome to my rant

Ok. I'm just going to come out with it - I hate improv. Hate with the fire of a billion burning hells. First of all, I have NEVER seen a funny improv. They all come off as uncomfortable, and the actors seem to be emoting "please laugh, we're funny, I swear". And it is pretentious. As if they are implying that it really is funny, and if you don't think so, well then you must just not be intelligent enough to get it. No, I get it. I am there with you, I fully understand what you are trying to do there - I mean it isn't rocket science. You are pretending. Play acting. Shit all of us used to do as children. It was only moderately fun back then, now it is just sad. So stop it. Stop it, just stop it. No, it doesn't mean you are super creative, or overly emotive... it simply means you can think fast on your feet. Congratulations. You can do something that 80% of the population can do. You really are special. Neeto. It also makes you an attention whore. You need people to look at you, you need people to approve. The proof is in the pudding - buddy up to any aspiring "actor" who is doing improv. Watch their shitty performance. Then read the critics negative reviews to them the next day out of the paper. Watch as their ego deflates in front of you. Or they will get angry, cursing the obviously ignorant critic. Or they will somehow manage to reassure themselves that their craft is so refined that average mortals can't possibly grasp the sheer magic that is happening on stage. None of them, not a single one can ever say, "no, they were right, that fucking sucked." In fact. I am going to widen that circle of hate to include actors/actresses in general. There are a few who are still humble and still actual people, but for the most part they can all die in a fire for all I care. What they don't seem to grasp is this simple fact: all actresses and actors on the face of the planet - all that have ever been and all that will ever be are nothing more than court jesters. The village idiot. Set to perform for our amusement. That is what the profession of acting owes it's roots to. Yet they get paid outrageous sums of money for doing what? They walk around with egos larger than the national deficit and constantly think they are above the law of us average people. Oh god - don't get me started on how they should keep their mouths shut and offer nothing to the realm of politics. Because they have money and have been on television and the silver screen, they think they matter. They think their opinions are better than anyone else’s. They think because they drive a fucking prius or electric car they are better than average folk. I guess if you have more money than you have sense, you can afford to spend it on the latest trends that society says you need to be a part of. Still, there are enough corrupt fucking politicians in the world, we CERTAINLY do not need celebrities putting in their worthless two cents. Their fake, worthless two cents. Which is probably made out of silicone... or been touched up to look like two new pennies. Because god forbid the signs of aging are allowed to show... shallow fuckers. GTFO, GFY and die in a fire. thank you, that is all.

TV

I’m sick of seeing family-oriented shows. Not everyone has a wife and kids, and not everyone wants to see shows tailored to that crap. I want to see a show about a vigilante, if you want to use that term, who has no wife and kids… never had any wife and kids, never lost them in a horrible accident, doesn’t blame some faceless corporation for their death, isn’t out after the man who killed his wife and kids. That is what I want to see. And I want him to have a moral gray area. He doesn’t really have a problem with killing people… or mutilating them to get what he wants or needs… I’m not really sure what that is yet… maybe information… maybe he just wants money for the subway… who cares. I want to see a protagonist dance nimbly on the line between antagonist and protagonist and be perfectly happy there. I want to see a dark hero who doesn’t really care about the value of human life, or society’s rules. I want someone who is openly an atheist. And if he regularly blasted organized religion, that would be awesome. A dead pan sense of humor would be a nice touch too. But his apathy would not extend to animals. He would be super caring of animals. Kind toward them. He would put their lives above the humans. And I don’t know, make him fight crime, or save the planet somehow. That would be a show I would watch regularly. But there aren’t any of those shows out there. All the shows out there are reality shows, or some variant rehash of the family oriented show. That is why I don’t watch television. And don’t even get me started on reality programming. WHY would I want to watch scripted drama on tv? I LIVE reality almost EVERY DAY. It all ties in together, see this is why I hate people.

Synthesized Percussion

Tuna and peanut butter. That is what I'm eating. And it is GOOOOOD. Don't judge me. Actually, I don't care... judge me all you want. Yep, with posts like that, this blog is aptly named. Every time I add something to this thing, I can't help but be reminded that most likely, this will be read by NO ONE. So what am I doing? Typing to myself? Pretending to type to someone else? What's the deal? There has to be some Freudian psychology at work there. somewhere.



So I have been in a funk lately. Thanks to a certain annual event, I'm looking at you New Year's Eve! But I am slowly emerging. I got back in to the gym on my regular routine this week... it's funny how only taking a week off can really fuck up your progress. But who is to say? Maybe a little time off is good. My ultimate goal is muscle confusion, so it sounds reasonable that would work as well as anything. Keep 'em guessing, LOL. I am sore all over. I love it. It's a great feeling. Hurts to stretch though, LOL but I have this great tight feeling in mah belleh!!!!



So "God of Wine" just came up in the shuffle on my ipod. I love that song. That and "Sometime Around Midnight" seem to be two songs that are very descriptive of my life right now. Good workout songs. But when I start screaming, people do look at me funny and the staff comes over and asks me to keep it down and all that jazz... I actually half expect them to throw me out. I can add that to my list of accomplishments.



All for now. Computer: lights out. ... why didn't that work?

Same damn demon from yesterday...

First off, if you know the song that line is from, you win +10 internets. I've never met anyone else who has heard that song. The band was a one hit wonder, but it was a great hit.

So, this blog... it is somewhat of a conundrum. I like the idea of it, I like the look of it, the purpose, however... I'm not so sure about. The purpose of a blog is to post one's thoughts, feelings, possibly his/her ruminations ... but that fly's in the face of everything that is Scorpio. It is against the grain of a Scorpio, so to speak, to openly and without hesitation share personal information with strangers. And yes I know, as I have stated before, it is highly unlikely that anyone will be reading this, still... it's out there...for the world to read, should they want to. So... what then? Do I exercize my need to emote by posting those entries online? Do I just not acknowledge it, effectively suppressing my emotions? Incidentally, the notion that if you bottle stuff up eventually you will be a ticking timebomb and you will explode - it's just a notion. At least that is my experience. I used to bottle stuff up all the time. Suppress it. Push it down, deny it existence. I never... well I did erupt on someone once, but that was different... wasn't because of any suppression or bottling.

Hey, want to see the difference 4 days can make?

Release


You say I see things
From afar I see you
you say I know things,
that I know what it is to be you

but I wonder do you know?
Is your chaos too distracting
For you to notice that which is me?

I imagined life without you
That world is lonely dark and quiet
I want to share with you the music of my soul
I want you to come with me and we can run riot

I want every day of yours
Every second, every minute every hour
But I know I need to be a patient man
It’s a constant struggle and drains my power

For you my words flow free
Whether that’s good or bad I don’t know
If I can just beat the demons back for a time
Maybe then I’ll have something to show

Shane 12.27.2010


And 4 days later...


Release II


You couldn’t see
You didn’t care
You weren’t concerned
With trying to be fair

Your reasons were vague
You were not clear
Something about work and family
For you there were no tears

It’s like I never existed
I was never in your life
You just walked away
With no fuss and no strife

I’m sorry for the inconvenience
I’m sorry you had to try
To make yourself believe
In feelings that were a lie

These words exist now
To help me ease the pain
They coat and soothe my soul
Like a warm summer rain

You’ll never know
And I don’t expect you to understand
How I truly felt about you
Or the love that was slain by your hand

Shane 12.31.2010

"I don't feel the sun's coming out today, staying in, gonna find another way..." Yes, it's a line from a great blind melon song, "Change". But more importantly, it is music. Obvious statement, I realize, but something was made apparent to me this morning on my drive in to work. A mini-epiphany, if you will. I'm not a fortune-teller, or some kind of ancient oracle or seer. I don't know what the future holds for anyone, so I'm writing from my perspective, regarding my interests, and concerns. I believe, in a prospective mate, it is imperative for me to find someone who not only appreciates music, but has her own list of "special" songs, for whom the lyrics have powerful meanings. I never really even thought about this, until I experienced it. I recently went through a whirlwind clusterfuck of a "relationship" of sorts, in which this happened - the girl was proficient in her choice of music and why she chose the songs she chose. That lent itself to be a common ground for her and I. Ultimately, in this instance, it doesn't matter because she is gone now. But for future reference, it is important to me.

Which brings me to another point. What the fuck am I doing? With this blog. This whole effort? Seriously, there is LITERALLY no one who will be reading this but me. Therefore, one has to ask, what purpose does it serve? If not to play the part of "performer" on the world stage of the internet, what function does something like t his serve? Is it some sort of therapeutic device to help cope with life? Is it some kind of cry for attention? I mean if you think about it, one could say it is that - a cry for attention. Except for the odds.... in order for this to be some kind of cry for attention, there would have to be a possibility of someone seeing this besides myself. And while technically possible, the odds of someone searching google for "abstract scorpio blog" or something remotely close to that, make anyone else seeing this post or any post I create, remote and improbable.