Same damn demon from yesterday...

First off, if you know the song that line is from, you win +10 internets. I've never met anyone else who has heard that song. The band was a one hit wonder, but it was a great hit.

So, this blog... it is somewhat of a conundrum. I like the idea of it, I like the look of it, the purpose, however... I'm not so sure about. The purpose of a blog is to post one's thoughts, feelings, possibly his/her ruminations ... but that fly's in the face of everything that is Scorpio. It is against the grain of a Scorpio, so to speak, to openly and without hesitation share personal information with strangers. And yes I know, as I have stated before, it is highly unlikely that anyone will be reading this, still... it's out there...for the world to read, should they want to. So... what then? Do I exercize my need to emote by posting those entries online? Do I just not acknowledge it, effectively suppressing my emotions? Incidentally, the notion that if you bottle stuff up eventually you will be a ticking timebomb and you will explode - it's just a notion. At least that is my experience. I used to bottle stuff up all the time. Suppress it. Push it down, deny it existence. I never... well I did erupt on someone once, but that was different... wasn't because of any suppression or bottling.

Hey, want to see the difference 4 days can make?

Release


You say I see things
From afar I see you
you say I know things,
that I know what it is to be you

but I wonder do you know?
Is your chaos too distracting
For you to notice that which is me?

I imagined life without you
That world is lonely dark and quiet
I want to share with you the music of my soul
I want you to come with me and we can run riot

I want every day of yours
Every second, every minute every hour
But I know I need to be a patient man
It’s a constant struggle and drains my power

For you my words flow free
Whether that’s good or bad I don’t know
If I can just beat the demons back for a time
Maybe then I’ll have something to show

Shane 12.27.2010


And 4 days later...


Release II


You couldn’t see
You didn’t care
You weren’t concerned
With trying to be fair

Your reasons were vague
You were not clear
Something about work and family
For you there were no tears

It’s like I never existed
I was never in your life
You just walked away
With no fuss and no strife

I’m sorry for the inconvenience
I’m sorry you had to try
To make yourself believe
In feelings that were a lie

These words exist now
To help me ease the pain
They coat and soothe my soul
Like a warm summer rain

You’ll never know
And I don’t expect you to understand
How I truly felt about you
Or the love that was slain by your hand

Shane 12.31.2010