Reach

sitting here, surrounded by all the swirling thoughts in my head, I managed to see a pattern. I think the one thing they all have in common is contact. I don't know ... I think what I would like is to be understood... to know that even as I am surrounded by my fellow man that I am not a stranger, I am not walking down this road alone ... I don't know what to do or how to make that connection.... my reach isn't enough, their hands phase through mine, or maybe mine through theirs... who is really real and who is the imagination? I'm not sure anymore... a succession of words, a nonsensical thought pattern, glazed eyes, blank expressions, vague smile... apologetic - it's cool, I don't expect you to understand. no one ever really does. ... it's just times like this, when I stop, look around, realize the moment and consider the future... play the game with myself where I pretend not to think about the monotony that lies ahead... get lost in all the stories within the stories, follow the stream of consciousness, let one moment follow the other and pass me by... then, eventually, there will be a brief distraction, a light on my face, a smile... and just as certain, the realization that it was just a ghost - an echo from the past and the smile fades and reality sets in, understanding, awareness, third person persepctive - you look around and you are surrounded by emptiness .... and realize that it was all in your mind - the companionship, the reassurance, the feeling that you are accepted, you have a purpose, you matter ... and you are understood.... none of it was ever true, reality blurs, identity fades, it all becomes just another swirling moment in time ... then it passes

well I know it will be alright if I just get on the road
if I run I can free my worried mind
I know the day I die I will lose my heavy load
but I wouldn't want to leave you behind
-semisonic, "If I Run"