It's Not For You, Uther...

Hmmff. Yet another obscure reference that no one I know would get. Regardless. What it's about - perception. I had another mildish epiphany the other night. And as much as I hate to admit this, life is about as good or crappy as you make it to be. I'm not one of those "glass half-full" kinds of people... so it is difficult for me. What I'm getting on about is how something may appear to be a negative, or a rejection when in fact, it isn't. There is someone I know. Example? ok. There is person A. I want to have a certain type of relationship with Person A. But ultimately, I am Person A's Computer/IT guy. She always comes to me with pc problems. And I always fix them. We are on a friendly basis. And I entertain her. By that I mean I amuse her. I make her laugh. I entertain her. But she says things to me - comments. Like I pointed this out to her one night - that I was just a source of entertainment for her. Her response? "You don't know that". As if to imply that I meant something else to her and she just hadn't expressed it. Ultimately, it doesn't matter - leading coy responses or not, in reality I am her computer guy and nothing else. I have attempted to flirt with her and make comments about going out on dates, etc. They are always - politely - ignored, or brushed away. I recognize this pattern of conversation tactics b/c I am a master of it. Changing the subject  to something the person wants to talk about so as to get them away from something you do not want to discuss. So anyway... bottom line is we are on friendly terms, there is nothing bad about our association... it isn't a rejection or a negative... it is just not the positive or acceptance I was hoping for. And that is the point that is buried in all this shit. While an outcome of any given situation may not be what you wanted it to be, or hoped it would be, that doesn't necessarily mean it is automatically a negative. Unfortunately, in the gray lizard world of a Scorpio, if it isn't the positive we wanted, it absolutely is a negative, because anything less than what we expected is a failure on our part. That, and the self destructive tendencies of the Gray Lizard is why i am trying to side more with the Phoenix aspect of scorpios... but believe it or not, it is hard.