Abstract Scorpio

I hate when I am like this. I need to write about something, but I am not really focused enough on any one thing to opine about it. I have a poem about half composed sitting around in my head... not inspired enough to finish it. I'm tired of my life and its current iteration. It's a lot more difficult to actually do something and change your life, than it is to explain that concept to someone else who is tired of their life and its current iteration. I am tired of being alone, which is even more difficult to address/remedy than changing one's life, because it requires the cooperation of another individual. And not in the "sure, I'll help you move a couch" cooperation, actual, empathizing, preferably long-term mutual, symbiotic cooperation. So that is right out.

People, as a whole, I believe, are selfish. By our very nature. The majority of what we do is self serving. There are very few people who go against the grain on this. I've only ever met two. It is in people's nature to be selfish - "gotta get mine before someone else takes it" sort of mental. I suppose that goes back to when we all lived in caves and there may or may not have been enough to go around and life wasn't really fair. Consider this scenario - two people meet, strike up a conversation, discover they are very compatible. Why? What brought these two people together? Mutual selfishness. Each person's desire to satisfy their curiosity, their need, their attraction. Nobody ever does anything because it will benefit someone else... every action we have, every thought, every step we take as a human being, is because it will benefit us in some way. If it happens to help someone else along the way, great. So "Bob" donates money to Ethiopia? Awesome. It isn't because of starving children, it's so "bob" can feel good about himself. "Bob" must have a pretty fucked up life if he feels the need to go to those lengths to feel good about himself.

But we're damned if we do, damned if we don't... when you meet someone - "I want to get to know her," "I want to smell her hair," "I want to ask her out" - all satisfies some need deep inside yourself for something you want: selfish. However, if you approach it from the polar opposite perspective "I want her to get to know me", "I want her to see my body", "I want to give her the opportunity to go out with me" - then you're just a dick. A self-centered, probably egotistical jerk. So what then? Is there really a point to try and better ourselves? Is there any need to be introspective? Do we as a people even need to try? There are some people who aren't really even sentient enough to be self-aware, hardly... I guess to those people none of this matters and, in fact, they would probably have been lost after the first 4 words of this post. Eyes glazed over, drool coming out of their mouth, horrible visions flashing in in their mind...

So then, if all this is true, and we're either selfish or egotistical, then does that mean that there really are no "perfect matches" for people? No "Ideal" mates one way or another? Does that mean that people who have standards and stick to them, shouldn't bother? Because wouldn't that make that person a hypocrite? OR does it mean that I over analyze EVERYGODAMNTHING too much and will probably ruin any and every relationship that I have because of it. Yeaaah... you sleep well little bunny...