Sometimes

When I'm alone, sometimes the pain is too much to bear
So, sometimes I break down and cry
The story of my life is Dark, bleak and desolate
And sometimes I wonder why

Sometimes, I feel so very alone - like I'm the only one in this world of mine
So, sometimes I just wanna scream
I can't undertsand why they can't understand
So, sometimes I'm only happy in my dreams

It's so frustrating, not having anyone with whom I can share
so, sometimes I think about ending it all
When I get like this I scare myself
So, sometimes I need someone to call

There's a myriad of contradictions, slapping me in the face
So, sometimes I don't wanna be strong
But there are times when I just can't communicate
so I have to express myself through song

Everytime I care about someone, they seem to go away
So, sometimes I think I shouldn't care
I've lost loved ones, friends and the kindred spirits
Why must life be so unfair?

Sometimes, it's a struggle for me to keep up this facade
But my weakest moments are always spent alone
I wouldn't want to burden anyone with my problems
so, sometimes my only outlet is a "poem"

Sometimes I can see in to the future, to my own demise
And sometimes, I wonder who will mourn
The Triad councels me and my Darkness consoles me
But sometimes my hope is forlorn

I've learned my lessons in this life, and never again will I make those mistakes
But sometimes, wisdom comes at a cost
The winter of my life is truly at hand now
Freezing the memories of all those I have lost

So, now comes the time for these vacuous ramblings to end
sometimes, this is the only way
How much can I endure before it hurts too much to care
Aah yes, the sun rises and with it comes the loneliness of another day

s51501

The Road to Nowhere

Driving down the street, the sun is out and it's a beautiful day.
All around I see people I know, and they acknowledge my presense.
I feel happy. Energized. Life is good.
There are no obstacles in my way. Riding with me are my friends. We laugh and joke and are very close.
I pull on to a side road. There aren't as many people, and it is evening. The sun is going down.
The road is in disrepair and driving becomes more difficult.
I am growing tired. One of my friends has disappeared. The car grows quieter.
It is now Autumn. The leaves are turning color and falling off trees.
Summer, sunshine, warmth and happiness say their last goodbyes. There's something in the air.
I turn, yet again, on to another road. The sign reads "Dead End, No Outlet".
It is Dark. The street lights are not lit.
There are no people anywhere. Everything seems so desolate. So bleak.
The temperature drops. Winter has set in. Everything that once was alive now looks as if it is dead or dying.
The icy, biting, razor-like fingers of the Winter air creep in to the car. I am chilled to the bone.
My friends are no more. I am alone. No more Kindred Spirits. No one knows who I am. No one cares.
The car is void of noise. The only sound is the deafening silence of my own thoughts.
The music is over. This is The End.

s71100

goodbye

noble is the kiss
that touches the sky
gentle is the touch
that says goodbye
salty is the tear
that falls to the ground
lost is the love
that you have found

life is just one big cycle
to which we all must subscribe
painful are the lessons
in which we all must imbibe
I'll meet you again,
I know this somehow
I look forward to that day,
For I must leave you now...

s112398

evermore

the struggle of evermore
waging back and forth
companionship or solitude
freedom or shackles
or the complacency of understanding
either way, part of me will lose
how sad to never be fully satisfied
the potential never fully realized
or at least to this point in life
the curiosity keeps me going
the lure of the unknown
striving to find that middle ground
suppressing my hope and optimism
in a constant state of flux
never being happy
never being sad
just being

s111998

Before the date

Here I sit, all alone
With nothing but these four walls around me
The Darkness surrounds me
As in my mind, I replay the events of the evening

She's in my mind
There's nothing I can do about that now
She knows somehow
as in my mind, I replay the events of the evening


Could she be the one? The elusive Love that until know, only my heart has known Her intents she hasn't shown as in my mind, I replay the events of the evening

She has sparked my interest I want to know this person, soul, body and mind ...the pain, I want to leave behind as in my mind, I replay the events of the evening

Can she get in? Or will she be unable to get passed the wall? Will she fall? Looking behind, she gets smaller as I'm leaving

She cannot succeed. The Darkness returns, and now she cannot see. For help, she asks me Looking behind, she gets smaller as I'm leaving

Trying to figure me out Will I grant her once chance or more? Can she endure? Looking behind, she gets smaller as I'm leaving

Thinking too hard Inside my mind, I'm back at square one - I've got to leave. This should be fun. It's time for the date.   s11998

Life

Found out I'm somebody I didn't want to be
trying not to be the person I am
I thought that's who I was all along
as my identity sifts through my hands

too many things are wrong with this old world
to worry about what other people see
I'm too busy doing what I want
to worry about who I should be

but sometimes I miss the boy I once was,
so innocent and so naive
things just seemed to happen back then,
I didn't have to believe

trust was just the default, not a conscious effort
and my friends were all around
love meant I had a new puppy
and things just couldn't get me down

the sun seemed to burn all the time
and time existed in abundance
fun was all that mattered to me then
it's sad to have lost that innocence

but now things are very different
and it's not so easy to care
I've found that things aren't always right
and life is not always fair

s72298

Dark Night

Driving down this lonely highway
Behind the wheel I'm in a daze
Thinking back to our time together
Cursing love and its evil ways

My story's just one in a million
I'm nothing special, I know that's true
But still it hurts to see you two together
The pain I feel is nothing new

All alone on a warm summer night
The moon is there, keeping vigil over me
The Old Man looks closely at the words I write
Knowing someday I will be set free

Back at home, it's there on the table
Like some kind of demon, for me it waits
The poison I drink serves its wicked purpose
Aah yes, the game is over, I succumb to fate

Sitting here in this lonely bedreoom
On the floor, I'm in a daze
Thinking back to all the missed chances
Cursing love and its evil ways

s897

Trip

Sitting around with nothing to do
Nowhere to go, no reason to care
I'm so fucking bored here
I wish those bugs would get out of my hair

All the colors swirling around my head
I want to dive in and go for a swim
It's ao warm and inviting here
All the bright lights have gone so dim

Tring to remember when I started this trip
It seems like such a long time ago
Some day I need to stop this shit
But right now, I just want to get low

Everything has stopped - no more colors
No more warmth - here comes the pain
All alone on my mountain top
All I can do is scream in vain

Oh please just let me get through this time
I will never again venture down this road
Her touch cools my fever
Her words ease my heavy load

Trying to remember when I started this trip
It seems like such a long time ago
Oh how I want to stop this shit
But right now, I just need to get low

I don't want to be your prisoner
Won't you let me go - what will you gain
I never knew it would be this hard to stop
You've become an entity that thrives on my pain

You want my soul for keeps
You're trying to rob me of my desire
Little by little you steal my life force
And throw the empty shell in to the fire

I can't remember when I started this trip
i'm about to run out of time, I know
Oh how I have to stop this shit
But right now, I just need to get low

s897

Black

black
the color of night
close
back to me tonight
the blackness consumes me
because I want to be consumed
the closeness heals me
because i want to be free
head over heals tumbling through my mind
someday the illusive peace I will find
calmness and serenity turn to unrest
my will and my patience are put to the test
feeling what I want, and wanting what I feel
wounds that deep take more time to heal
this is a side of me that few people ever see
they can't see the forest for the trees
desire and fear - locked in continuous conflict
the desire to be free; the fear of being alone - the winner will depict
the person I am to be
regardless of what I feel, I have to be me

s397

The Darkening of the Light

the light is white
I am new and have much to learn
going through life with wide-eyed optimism
introductions are brief
information and experiences are overwhelming

the light is gray
I am used and have much to learn
my optimism has failed me
cynicism has taken its place
I have learned much, enough to know nothing
the wounds from my experiences will stay with me forever
and still I open myself up to new encounters
infinitely curious, trying to satisfy an insatiable hunger

the light grows dark
I am wise, and have learned much
inward, I turn on my self
alone, I find myself most of the time
awaiting the lonliness, I will be tomorrow
welcomed, the Darkness is by me
curiosity satisfied, hunger appeased
at peace, I will be when I die
the light is black

s397

Delve

Seeing me, but not really seeing me
catching glimpses of a ghosted persona
reacting the best way she can to what she has seen
trying to moderate an immutable environment
counting on the uncertain
A vast, eternal realm of gray.
Where even your next step is questionable.
You catch yourself falling, but going nowhere
Plunging into uncertainty, but all the while, never getting close to the edge.
Damn it all. All the protocols, the rules.
Rules the Collective make, and expect all to follow without question.
Then there is this place, some call it love.
This is truly a strange place.
A place of brief happiness and infinite sorrow.
A place of contradictions. A moment of pleasure, a lifetime of pain.
More pain. Grinding away, bit by bit, taking its toll on nothing.
Feeding on nothing, living on nothing, caring for nothing.
Until that is all that exists.
Nothing.

s11697

And Then There Was One

Sitting alone at a table for four
He raises his glass and recalls the lore
With a tear in his eye, he toasts them all
Sadly he realizes how the mighty did fall
Their adventures were many, there treasures were grand
Though their numbers were small, they were feared across the land
They once were unstoppable, the world they did rule
Now he just exists, spirit broken, no fire to fuel
What will he do, where will he go
Without his Clan, he is truly alone
Many sights na'er seen, tales na'er told
He clinches his fist, but has only memories to hold
His mind races - he wants to believe they're just late
His heart hurts and he knows this must be fate
For the question was put forth -
"Do you think we'll ever go down"?
Now the answer is known
And he misses his friends -
        
           The Clan of the Purple Crown

S94

Content Fleeting

When I'm asleep, I'm dreaming of you
In the world, I haven't a care
But the grand facade fades,
And I awake to find you're not there
It's a shock to the system -
From being so happy, to being so sad
When in the dream we were together,
And I awake to find, a dream is all I had.

S93

Awaken

Passed the light
     when the color fades away and everything turns to darkness.
Desperation dissipates,
     and solitude is not only accepted, but welcomed.
People mean very little - except for the Kindred spirits,
     society means even less.
Trust becomes just another word -
     you learn to trust only yourself.
You try and share yourself with others,
     but they seem to find your weakness and prey upon it.
The world is sad.
     people enjoy hurting other people, the ones who get hurt are usually the non-players in this game of life.
Encompassed in a fantasy world
     where there is Love, there is not darkness, and things don't hurt.
But then reality kicks in and takes over,
     and Life doesn't seem so appealing.

S10.92

Precipice

Who am I when the tide that brings me ashore ceases to ebb and flow? Who am I when the tools of my trade no longer fit my hands? When the sun that shows me the way is black as night, and gives no warmth, when the faces I see are no longer familiar to me and look upon my visage as a ghostly reminder from a time long since passed, who have I become? Where is my common ground? Where is my familiar place? Where is my peace? When I look in the mirror and no longer recognize the person looking back at me, where do I go from there? When i cease to find the circumstances of this life as appealing as I once did, when I can no longer find a reason or an answer to any of my questions, logic must prevail and pose the final question: what's the point?

s09612

The Viking Prayer

These are not my words. I just love this quote.


“Lo, there do I see my father.

Lo, there do I see my mother,
and my sisters, and my brothers.
Lo, there do I see the line of my people,
Back to the beginning!

Lo, they do call to me.
They bid me take my place among them,
In the halls of Valhalla!
Where the brave may live forever!”

― The Viking Prayer.

You won't let anybody get close
Except for those you do
And nobody knows who that is
Nobody but you
S9412