confusion

Different levels of trust or is it an all or nothing thing? I've never really thought about it before. Can you "sort of" trust someone? Are there different degrees of trust? Is it fair to either trust someone completely or not at all? I think ultimately, it has to be this way - while I don't believe in levels or degrees of trust, on the way to trusting someone, you are building it up - like a ramp, the pinnacle of which is complete and total trust. Seems like every time I am on that ramp something happens to knock me off of it. So, I guess the real question is, why the fuck do I keep trying to get back on it? What's the point? can anyone ever be totally trusted? I'm beginning to think probably not. What's the point? I am apparently a relic from a long since dead time. I don't belong on this planet with these humans. I do not see as they see, I do not live as they live, I do not believe as they believe. I do not feel as they feel. I consider my actions. I try to imagine how those actions will affect others in my life. No, I don't always get it right. But at least I try. I'm just sick of the bullshit. I'm sick of all the half-attempts disguised as earnest. I'm sick of people being able to look me directly in the eyes and lie without blinking. What fucking happened to the social conscious - to morals, to even a tenuous connection to what is right and wrong? I can admit when I am wrong, I can take responsibility and blame for my actions. I'm not trying to push all fault away from me. I'm just tired of trying to keep my negativity, my cynicism, my hatred and disdain for people in general and their naturally selfish tendencies, at bay. I'm tired of allowing myself to believe, like some simple fool, that I can have a normal relationship. And that people mean what they say and act on good intentions. Nobody does anything not born of some kind of selfish origin. If you hold out your hand to help your fellow man, it will be lopped off without even so much as an acknowledgement or blink of an eye. I'm about finished with this world. With this existence. I'm ready to move on. It's just the same shit over and over at this point. And all of it is bad.