"...just want to watch the world burn...."

Futility. I think that's the theme that keeps coming back to me. It's funny, growing up you have an idea of how things are - you create a reality from your experiences as you grow and you assume that is the way of things. It never occurs to you to consider the possibility that you didn't have things figured correctly... or that the way you had them figured could change.... throughout your entire life you just assumed "If a + b then AB" but it may as well be "If A+sideways then tuesday". but even that.... even the epiphany of possibly being wrong... not even that matters. I'm not sure what it says for a person to have such big, important thoughts but nothing about that person, not even the thoughts actually matters. Worthless. Imagine for a moment if, say, abraham lincoln would have died in his teens or early twenties. Things would have changed. History - as we know it in this particular river of reality, would be different.... but there are people who if they just suddenly died would have 0 effect on the outcome of the particular vein of time in which they exist. It will still go on and continue unabated. What must that feel like to be that person and to have the awareness of that truth? To know that no philosophy you come up with, no story you write, no physical thing you make will ever matter. No thing you say no thing you think. Of all the people you have ever met, no one is better off for having met you. For that matter, you could say no one is any worse off either. After you are dead and gone, the fact that you were ever alive will not matter. So why prolong it? What kind of masochistic personalities do people have that they willingly inflict that sort of torturous pain upon themselves? And what does that say about human life on the planet? The fact that only a handful of the people who are alive will actually matter. The rest of the people alive serve to do what? eat? take up space? why? Why is this the reality of the world in which we live? Why doesn't everyone strive to matter in some way? That's a sisyphean task to be sure.... and sometimes we just want to laugh... sometimes we just want to watch the world burn.