Irony, Granite and the smell of Rain

Ironically, I started out hating this idea, the very notion that I would be, could be even remotely associated with the word "blog". I still hate that word and all the connotations it carries with it. I hate what it has come to stand for... I'm sure it is some sort of acronym, but I don't know for what. Where the irony comes in to play is that, almost on a daily basis, I feel as though I need to come write something. It feels good. I think it is the expulsion of energy that I am drawn to. Doing this, for me at least, it like having a deep, meaningful conversation with someone - it is very satisfying and I usually feel better when I'm finished. Having someone in your life with whom you can have a positive energy exchange is important to me, and an important aspect to life, I believe... I do have someone like that, but it has been a while since we have been able to have an energy exchange. A really long time, in fact. I don't really have anyone else in my life like that. And it's something ... it is something that cannot be explained in a "blog". I feel like a fucking hipster even using that word. Now I need a shower.

If I were someone else, I might think that I had anger issues, or "rage addiction" as it may or may not be referred to in reality these days. I seem to be in a rage most of the time here lately. I don't know why. But as an evolved human being, and I believe somewhat enlightened, i know it isn't anger issues, or rage addiction... it's probably a combination of stress in my life, sleep deprivation, and other things that shall go unnamed here. But that's only because I took the time to look at the situation and decipher it. I stripped away all the BS and got down to the core of the problem. And now that I know, I will deal with it. It isn't something that will go away easily, but ... and it may not go away at all... but I will deal. A lot of it comes from frustration. There is a lot of that to spread around - frustration at the gov't, frustration at being alone, frustration at work, frustration at how I am not one of those people who talk a big game... and because I am not the type to initiate a situation, situations never come up ... or rarely come up to allow my actions to speak for me.

Then there is the realization that nothing really does last forever. Granite even eventually falls on the steps of time. Regardless of how strong you think something is, most likely you are in the minority - most likely you are not on the same page,  you don't share the same thoughts, feelings, views or beliefs. Naturally I'm speaking of people who are much deeper than the lemming sheeple who regularly inhabit the planet... understanding those people, in fact, finding two just alike isn't really that hard... This realization to me, the former, not the latter... was a more than a little shocking. I guess I always suspected it, somewhere in the back of my mind... down in the dank, dark, cobwebby cellar of my mind... but to have that brought out in to the light... it was hard to look at.

I need it to rain again. It's been raining some lately. I need the storms to come and bring their darkness and rain down... it suits my mood these days. That is also a good energy exchange. I could explain it as the movement of water releases positive ions, and positive ions are absorbed by our bodies and somehow affect the charge of our electrical makeup, making us feel better. Maybe it has to do with dopemine, maybe it has to do with seratonin... I don't know. And that's why I didn't explain it like that. It is the energy exchange. I can feel the energy of the storm... I can feel the movement of the air and change in the field ... plus, I like the smell of rain.